Lindsay L. O'Connor

…if you’re like me and need some encouragement and chastisement.
Today I read in Numbers 20:12:
But the Lord said to Moses and Aaron, “Because you did not trust in me enough to honor me as holy in the sight of the Israelites, you will not bring this community into the land I give them.”

The first eight words the Lord spoke to Moses and Aaron pierced my heart: Because you did not trust in me enough… I was convicted and am repenting of all the times I have chosen not to trust in the Lord enough (flashbacks of feeling anxious, panicked, and trying wildly to grab control of the reigns and make my own plans instead of waiting patiently on the Lord). I was reminded that the Lord tells us to trust in Him (Proverbs 3:5 – Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.), which seems to imply that we have a choice in the matter. I tend to think of trusting the Lord as a feeling that I have to muster up rather than a choice that I am commanded to make, whether or not I feel like it. The Lord takes this matter so seriously that, even though Moses was described in Numbers 12:3 as “a very humble man, more humble than anyone else on the face of the earth,” this one particular instance of his lack of trust in the Lord resulted in him losing the chance to enter the Promised Land.

I am so thankful for God’s chastisement (For whom the Lord loves He chastens, Hebrews 12:6) and His faithfulness to continue the good work He has begun in me. I will conclude with this prayer from Psalm 139:23-24, which I can’t seem to pray often enough:

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me, and know my anxieties;
And see if there is any wicked way in me,
And lead me in the way everlasting.