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Spiritual Direction & Deconstruction
“If we do not transform our pain, we will always transmit it.”
-Father Richard Rohr
Deconstruction
“Deconstruction” has become a bit of a buzz word, but anyone who is paying attention can’t deny that culturally, we are in a unique moment of spiritual and religious reckoning. Massive numbers of folks who have spent much of their lives involved in Christian community are now questioning their faith, leaving their faith communities, and searching for new spaces that have room for folks to bring their full, authentic selves and be met with love and compassion. Many are grappling with the gaping divide between who we know or at least hope God to be versus the judgement and polarization happening in churches across the United States.
“…whatever occurred in your past that left you feeling stuck will never be more powerful than your inborn human capacity to keep developing. There is a drive wired into us toward growth, movement, and healing.”
—Holy Hurt by Dr. Hillary L. McBride
Re-Examining Beliefs
Many of us find ourselves in a place of re-examining long-held beliefs, sorting through them to determine which ones to set down and which to hold onto as we seek a faith that is authentic to our values. This can be a disorienting time as the foundational beliefs that once felt steady now seem to shift beneath our feet.
Religious Trauma
Some of us have suffered from or witnessed religious trauma and/or spiritual abuse at the hands of religious leaders and institutions. As we try to pick up the pieces, our wise bodies may seem to hold us back. We may find that the symbols, beliefs, practices, and communities we used to associate with comfort and goodness are now associated with anxiety, pain, anger, shame, or numbness.
Oppression & Cognitive Dissonance
Others are struggling to reconcile the God they thought they knew with the pain and oppression inflicted by the church and/or other people of faith, in God’s name. As many of us have awakened to the reality of systems of oppression such as racism, patriarchy, homophobia, ableism, and transphobia, we may either be looking for a place to heal from oppression or to process and grieve the reality that we have been complicit in these harmful systems. Some have been told that core parts of their identities preclude them from worshipping or serving in faith communities or even from experiencing the love of God.
Doubts & Questions
Still others are looking for safe spaces to explore questions and doubts, holding onto hope for a more inclusive, compassionate, and expansive God than the one they have known, but they are unsure of where to begin. Maybe their religious communities haven’t been safe places to express their questions and doubts, or maybe their questions and doubts have been met with silence or unhelpful clichés.
Spiritual Discontent & the Desire for Something More
Then there are those who are experiencing a quiet but nagging discontent because despite being faithful to do all the things they were taught would bring joy and peace, their spiritual lives still feel empty, boring, or stuck, marked by a frustrating lack of intimacy with the Divine. People in this space feel they have “checked all the boxes” but remain dissatisfied with their relationship with the Holy. How do we move forward when we’ve already tried all the tools in our toolbox?
You are not alone.
If you find yourself in any of these places, you are not alone. Sometimes when the ways we’ve been trying to connect with the Divine don’t seem to be working anymore, we may actually be receiving an invitation to experience God in new ways that lead to growth, healing, and more authentic connections with God, self, and others.
Deconstruction & Spiritual Direction
Spiritual direction provides a non-judgmental, confidential space to explore, grieve, question, heal, and grow. Many people find healing simply from sharing their experiences, pain, and authentic selves with a compassionate listener who validates their experience. After the dismantling that happens during deconstruction, we may need to experience felt safety and healing before we feel ready to explore and rebuild.
In spiritual direction, we are seeking healing more than answers, authenticity more than people-pleasing, and freedom rather than strict adherence to dogma. As we heal and become more in touch with our beloved authentic Self, we can connect with God, others, and creation from a place of wholeness, love, and freedom.
Questions?
If you have questions about spiritual direction or would like to check availability for a meet and greet on Zoom, please contact me below. I look forward to hearing from you!
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Lindsay L. O'Connor 