even still

Yesterday, my mom, being the wonderful momish mom that she is, drove all the way up from Austin to meet my sister, who drove all the way here from Aledo, and myself, who drove a full 9 minutes, in Dallas to spend the day shopping. She bought copious amounts of clothing for each of us, which I tell myself is ok because she takes so much pleasure in giving. These types of actions made a lot more sense to me when she mentioned not long ago that her love language is giving gifts. My mom loves me that much, that she would rearrange her schedule to make time to drive a 6-hour round trip just to spend the day with her girls. I love this about my mom and hope that I can be so selfless when I have kids. She and my dad have spent their lives as parents making their children their first priority, always encouraging, always loving, always teaching, always hoping, always giving, always sharing wisdom. I don’t know how they do it or from what reserves they draw as they love and love and love some more.

As amazed as I am by my parents’ love for me, I am completely awe-struck when I consider that our heavenly Father loves me even more than my parents do. Even more? More than the woman who gave birth to me and sang to me and put my every need before her own? Even more than the earthly parents who never once made me feel like they wanted to do anything more than spend time with me? Even more than the man who has told me a gagillion times how beautiful I am, from the time I was a tiny child with the “munchkin voice” he tells me about? Even more than my daddy who sings with me and mulls over things with me and discusses with me? Even more than my mama who laughs with me and compliments me constantly and multiplies my every joy tenfold?

Sometimes the love of Christ and of our heavenly Father comes rushing through my mind and my soul, invading my thoughts until I feel like every fiber of my being is filled with worship in response. Other times, it seems abstract and is harder to feel. During these times, I am amazed and comforted to think of my earthly parents’ love for me and then remember that I have a heavenly Father, the King of kings, creator of the Earth, who loves me even more.

I am blessed to have a husband whom I adore. Even knowing how much he loves me, I still ask him frequently just so I can hear him say it again. When I think about our life-long commitment to each other, I can hardly imagine what it will be like when we grow old together. I love thinking about each of us making the choice to keep on keeping on, in spite of imperfections, mistakes, and short-comings. When I think these thoughts, I ask him, “Will you love me even still and even stiller?” To which he always smiles and replies, “Yes, even stiller.”

For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus.
Romans 8:38-39

I am overjoyed to know that it takes no effort at all for my God to say in truth that even as the One who knows my every thought, sin, and imperfection, He will love me “even still and even stiller.”

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