a nod to the inner child

The other day I had to go to my favorite local, independent pharmacy, and this little blue bird caught my attention. When I was a child, the aunt and uncle I was named after (their last name was Lindsay) had some cobalt blue glass figures like this in their house. I remember staring at them, transfixed by the color and the way the light came through, and I thought it was so beautiful.

I debated whether to spend the money, but I decided that $1.99 was worth taking a moment to honor my inner child.

In reading books like You Are Enough by Jonathan Puddle, Try Softer by Aundi Kolber, Native by Kaitlin Curtice, and now Do Better by Rachel Ricketts, along with therapy from years ago, I’ve been thinking a lot about my ancestors as well as my inner child.

Her feelings were not always honored or considered important, which sometimes causes them to come out sideways. I have tried to rationalize them away when they seemed too messy, childish, and inefficient. I’m working on paying attention to what she feels, listening to her fears, and honoring what she has to say. She is not running the show, but she needs to be acknowledged to be healed.

I’ve been learning from our Black and Indigenous siblings about our connection to our ancestors and the way we are still impacted by them as we carry them with us in our bodies and our memory. I’ve been working on understanding more about the people I come from and both the harm and the healing they brought into the world.

This little blue bird is a nod to my inner child, who was so delighted with it, as well as to my ancestors. May I remember who I came from, who I was, and how they contribute to who I am and who I want to be. May we be agents of healing in a hurting world, beginning with the inner work of healing ourselves.

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